Dear Diane Colume — November 5, 2011

Dear Diane,

I feel cheated because my husband passed away recently. We had only been married for three years when he developed a brain tumor. We had lots of doctors give us advice, and we did everything we could. We even tried things that we found in books and on the internet. Not one stone was left unturned.

I had a horrible first marriage and was so lucky at sixty years old to meet the love of my life. He made me laugh every day and see the beauty in the world. I’m mad because he was taken from me, when we prayed and asked God for help. We did everything we could, and he didn’t get better. I’m having a hard time understanding how it was his time to go when we were just getting started. His name was Glen and he promised to love me forever. How can I make sense of this?

Agony for all time

Dear Agony, 

I am very sorry that you’ve suffered such a painful loss, yet I’m so glad to hear that you were able to experience true love with Glen. I see your meeting Glen as a wonderful and healing miracle in your life. His perspective helped you to grow and thrive and be alive in a different way than ever before.

I know how much you must miss him, but don’t forget to be grateful for the extraordinary gift of three wonderful years with this man. Sometimes, we come into each other’s lives to help one another to experience the world in a new way. How wonderful that you will never again live in a world without having known love. I know that Glen would be proud to have made such a difference in your life.

When Glen said that he would love you forever, I sense that he understood that love is an energy without end. Your presence in his life made the battle that he went through so much easier, and the love that you feel for each other remains.

Again, I am so sorry to hear of your painful loss. Please reach out to those around you and allow yourself the space to grieve. Don’t stop talking to your God or to Glen, as I know that they will both be able to hear you. Peace to you!

Diane
___________________

Dear Diane,

Yesterday I came across a box of photos and letters left behind when my aunt passed away. I got the definite impression from some of the letters that she had a love affair with a female friend while she was married to my uncle. While it wasn’t talked about in a lot of detail, it was pretty clearly romantic.

My problem is that I’m not sure whether to tell my uncle, as these letters were in a box of things that belonged to my mother. Part of me thinks that her husband and kids should know the truth, but part of me feels guilty about revealing her secret. What should I do?

Carmen

Dear Carmen,

As those letters were not specifically left to your care, I would be careful about sharing the contents. While I pick up that your mother and uncle both knew about this relationship, I see that your aunt’s children did not.

Because it was this woman’s choice not to share a complicated situation with her kids, it’s important to respect her wishes. She made certain that these letters were out of her house and with your mother, so her intentions are pretty clear.

We all deserve to understand the context under which we grew up, and if someday one of your cousins approaches you with questions, it will be up to you to make a judgment call about what to say. If sharing the letters is of help to no one, don’t share them.

Diane
___________________

Dear Diane,

In a couple of months I’ll be visiting a friend that I haven’t seen in over twenty years.  We were both married before, but there was a lot of flirting between us. I’ve always been attracted to him, and I’m hoping something comes from my visit. We’ve been flirting like crazy on the phone, and both of us are divorced.

I’m worried because I don’t look as good as I did in the past. My perfect bikini body is more like a bag of balloons, and I’ve developed a few wrinkles. Should I tell him in advance that I’ve changed? Will he be turned off by my appearance?

D.L.

Dear D.L,

I feel that you have both changed considerably in the past twenty years. He is still handsome, but I see a double chin and some lines under his eyes. All of us go through a normal aging process, and you should feel comfortable with acknowledging this to him before the visit. If you have an attractive recent photo, send him a copy. This way you can stop worrying and enjoy yourself.
The good news is that I sense a very strong chemistry between the two of you. This goes far beyond appearances and is more about the energy that you share. I get a very good feeling about this. Enjoy your trip!

Diane

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