Dear Diane Column — April 29, 2012

Dear Diane,

I’m really torn about inviting my brother to my wedding. He’s gay and proud, and I’m fine with that, but my family is upset that he’s chosen this life. Also, my fiancée  is ok about him, but his parents are very old fashioned and wouldn’t want to endorse his lifestyle. I love my brother but he tends to make everything a kind of show in which he is the starring player. I want everyone to be happy and have a good time, and I don’t want anyone having a meltdown. How do you see things working out? We are planning to marry on September 22.

Blushing Bride

Dear Bride,

You picked my favorite time of year to marry. The change of seasons is a perfect time for new beginnings, and I see so many ahead for you.
It’s important to remember that this is a celebration starring you and your husband to be. Every person attending should be focused on your special day, and not on judging each other. The common denominator here is that all of your guests are excited for you. If your fiancé’s parents are uncomfortable with your brother’s lifestyle, this is a great opportunity for them to learn that everyone is entitled to their own choices.
As for your brother, I pick up that he sometimes tries to “cram acceptance down people’s throats”.  It’s really unfortunate that your parents feel the need to judge the wonderful person that he was born to be. Perhaps if you  bestow your acceptance and respect by making him a member of the wedding party, he will not feel the need to react defensively.
The important thing is that you want all of these people to attend, so invite them. You might wish to have a small family get together to introduce everyone before the big day. Remind all of your loved ones how important it is to have them be a part of your big day, and remember, it is YOUR big day. Drop the worry and bring the love, and I see things going well.

Diane
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Dear Diane,

I’ve always wanted to get involved in some type performing, but I’m never able to push myself into auditioning for anything. I can imagine myself up in front of an audience, but when it comes down to actually reading for something, I can’t. Was I a performer in a past life? I wonder if I’m too old to get started, as I’m already past forty. I try and forget about it, but it’s something that I think about even in my sleep. I dreamed that I was going to be in a play, but didn’t know my lines or have a costume. Something keeps pushing me, so why do I freeze? Do you see me ever being in front of an audience?

Red

Dear Red,

While I definitely feel that you have stood in front of audiences in centuries past, I see that it will take some work in this lifetime. Like so many people who dream of specific careers, you have process lessons in this lifetime, which means you need to start at the beginning. So many people want to “jump in” to a career because other people make it look easier than it is.
Right now you have no experience as an actor or public speaker, so I’m certain that the idea of auditioning against professionals is terrifying. To do so would be to begin your career in the middle, and you would be setting yourself up for disappointment. While some people have natural ability, there is no substitute for time, work and patience.
Start by finding a beginner’s class in acting or public speaking. You can check with local theater companies and schools. First climb the hill, THEN climb the mountain.
If you get started this summer, I see you with a small part in a play within two years, with many more to come. Good luck!

Diane
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Dear Diane,

My boyfriend of two years recently lost his job, and now he says he needs to take time to himself. I asked him why, and he said he needed to get organized so that he is focused on the future. I thought I was his future, and I’m hurt. I told him that I could help him to get organized, but he asked me to be patient and give him a couple of weeks . We recently talked about marriage. I’m afraid that I’m losing him.

Leslie

Dear Leslie,

What you have here is a case of bad timing. I pick up that your boyfriend loves you dearly, but this job issue took him by surprise. When he says he needs a bit of alone time, he’s being honest. Trust him and be as supportive as possible. If he spends the week job hunting, invite him for dinner on Sunday. If he says he needs space, be patient.
I see him with a new position in about six weeks, and within a few months he’ll be better than ever. Listen to his needs and not your fears. I see a ring within the year.

Diane

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