Dear Diane Column — July 16, 2011

Dear Diane, 

My husband was molested by a male family member when he was only ten years old. The family member is dead, but his sister and nieces are still alive. I am so angry for my husband, and I want him to tell the rest of the family so they will know what kind of a sicko this guy was. Everyone thought he was so religious, but he was just a pervert. My husband says that he wishes he hadn’t told me, and he doesn’t want to start a war in the family. I’m thinking of writing a letter to the sister, and telling her what happened. Every time there is a family gathering, I’m dying to tell the secret. How can I get my husband to get this off his chest? I can tell that this has been a nightmare for him, and I want it out in the open!

Sue

Dear Sue, 

Your husband must trust you a lot to have shared that secret. Do NOT break that trust by revealing his story. It is his own story to tell, and he needs to feel safe in talking about it to you. Consider that it is HIS anger, not yours that needs room to come out.
Let your husband know that you will not betray his secret. Make it clear that he is safe, and encourage him to talk about it whenever he feels comfortable.
Do not force him to talk about it, as he will do so when he is ready. There are many good books on the subject of childhood sexual abuse, and reading a few of the better ones may give you some insight into how to be supportive. I pick up that if you give him the space he needs, your husband will continue to open up to you. When he is ready, a good therapist can help.
I feel as though other family members also fell victim to this man who hurt your husband. In time, more information will come out, so just keep quiet and be supportive.

Diane

________________________________

Dear Diane, 

I ran into my date from my prom, and after thirty years, I still feel the attraction. He was my first love, and I often wonder if I should have fought harder for him. We went to different colleges, and he went to law school. I got married my sophomore year and was pretty happy being wife and mom. Recently I’ve started feeling depressed and like my life is passing me by. I love my husband, but there is not a lot between us since the boys have grown up. I wonder if the universe is pointing me in another direction. I’m confused and not sure what to do.

Confused

Dear Confused,

I do think the universe is pointing you in a new direction, but it’s not telling you to have an affair. You left school to marry, and you enjoyed life as a mom for many years. Now it’s time to figure out your identity for the years to come. I pick up photography as being something you enjoy. I also feel a gift for writing.
Now that you have the time to think about your own needs, consider the type of work that will bring out your creative side. You may wish to return to school, or perhaps take a class from a local instructor. I see you in a creative field, and it will open up your life in ways that you never imagined.
As for your marriage, start sharing your new adventures with your husband. He loved the girl that you were, and I see that he will be supportive of your developing your talents and abilities. Love can ripen and grow with time, but it’s important to share our journeys with one another. It appears that the best is yet to come. Good luck!

Diane

________________________________

Dear Diane,

Sometimes I hear doorbells or the phone ringing and no one else will hear it. I wake up in the middle of the night and swear that the doorbell just rang. Am I crazy? I don’t want to have people think I’m ready for the nuthouse, but this has been going on for years. What does it mean? How do I get it to stop?

Maggie M

Dear Maggie,

I know what you are talking about, as I’ve had the same experience. My guess is that your guides and angels are trying to get your attention, and you are the only person meant to hear these sounds.
The next time it happens, think about what is going on at that moment. Are you arguing with someone? Talking about money? Worrying about family?
I have a friend who hears bells whenever she is holding in anger. I feel reassurance when I hear the ghostly doorbell, as I know that my guides are with me.
Keep a notebook by your bed, and when the sound of bells awakens you, jot down any dreams you can remember.  Take a few minutes each morning to meditate by telling spirit that you are ready to listen. You have an ability that will develop quickly, and with time, you will see it as a great gift. Blessings!

Diane

Submit your review
1
2
3
4
5
Submit
     
Cancel

Create your own review

Average rating:  
 0 reviews

Written by

Leave a Reply