Dear Diane Column — May 23, 2011

Dear Diane,

I’m up for a promotion that is very important to me. I’ve been passed over before, and I feel like it’s my turn, but the other person who wants the position is “differently qualified,” meaning she has less experience, but she’s very charming and pretty. I’m an average looking woman, but I have the type of abilities that suit the job, so I’m thinking of walking out if I don’t get the job this time. I feel bitter because looks and personality go farther with some people than hard work and experience. I’m sick of living in a shallow world. Will I get the promotion?


Dear Lisa,

I understand your disappointment, as all of us want to be appreciated for our gifts and abilities. The workplace is a competitive area, and sometimes decisions seem very unfair.
You mentioned your competition’s social skills, and getting along with others provides a bonus point for any candidate. While you judge yourself to be “average,” it’s important to present yourself in the best possible light. Think about the wardrobe necessary for the new position and start dressing the part. Ask your friends for ways to update your look, and listen to them.
I pick up that others in your company can feel the anger you carry, and this will get in the way of presenting your true self. Work at staying positive and focused on the great work that you do. It really is time for you to shine, and I feel your career heading in an exciting direction, so get out of your own way. Good luck!


Dear Diane, 

Yesterday I met a new man in my apartment building who is as close to perfect looking as I can imagine. I was scared to talk to him, but I worked up the nerve to greet him in the elevator, and he sort of mumbled and looked away. I felt stupid when this happened, and got off at the next floor. I have never had this kind of instant attraction to someone, and I’m confused. Will he and I end up together? How do I get his attention?


Dear C.F, 

While it’s hard to ignore a strong physical reaction to someone, remember that relationships are about more than the physical. I pick up that this man has recently separated from his partner, and is very unhappy. He is not looking to make friends, and will not be ready to for quite a while. Ignore his rudeness and be kind to him, but try looking elsewhere for a romantic relationship. I do see someone in your building who would love to get to know you, and I pick up the name Eric. Enjoy the opportunities that you have now, and the future will take care of itself!


Dear Diane,

My mother is having problems with her memory, and sometimes she doesn’t remember something she told me a week before. I try and stay positive, but it is causing fights in the family. She promised me that she would someday give me her antique sewing machine, as it has special memories for me. Recently I spotted the machine in my sister’s living room, and she says Mom gave it to her. I wanted to cry, but I don’t want to cause a family rift over an object. How do I get over this?


Dear Paula, 

I pick up that you and your mom had special times on that sewing machine. The pain that you feel is not so much about losing an object as losing your memories of your mom.
Most people with memory issues have good days and bad days. The next time your mom has a good day, take a video camera over when you visit. Talk about the things that have been special between you, and share your memories of how wonderful your relationship is. Even as memory fades, love is present. This will give you a memento to keep as a reminder of the love you both feel.
I see that your sister likes the sewing machine, but would gladly give it up if she knew how special it was to you. There is more love in your family than you know.


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