Dear Diane Column

Dear Diane, 

I have a wonderful boyfriend, a beautiful son, and another child on the way. We have talked about getting married in the past, yet I am so scared to make commitments, and I’m not sure why. I was wondering if it is possible to get in touch with my grandparents, both sets. I’d like to have their advice about this, to know what they think about things. Is that possible?

Confused

Dear Confused,

I pick up on one lady in particular, a grandmother. She gives me the feeling that you have had quite a rocky life, with many twists and turns. This is the reason that you feel so uncertain about trusting the road that’s in front of you. You grandmother wants you to remember that the most important thing for you to do in this life is to love. You have loved many people over the years that have passed on, yet I know that you feel blessed to have loved every one of them.  While nothing in life is guaranteed, try trusting that the future can be fabulous. After all, things are pretty good for you right now! Please know that she is proud of you, as are all of those who have traveled the road before you. Blessings!

Diane
______________________

Dear Diane,

I recently lost my husband of 36 years, and I’m having a lot of issues about our life together.  I feel like I might have been unfair to him, but I don’t know how to sort it out.

When we first met, he was also dating another girl. I heard from friends of his that he was getting kind of serious about her, so I deliberately went off of birth control and got pregnant. He never suspected that the pregnancy was anything but an accident, and we got married and had a beautiful baby girl. We had two more children, and I did everything possible to make him happy.

When he was ill, he told me that I had made him happier than anyone ever could have, and that his life began the day he met me. Diane, I feel guilty that I lied to him, and I don’t know how to get past these feelings.  I know that it was a long time ago, but I started our relationship by being dishonest, and I feel like he deserved better. I can’t change what I did. Not sure what I’m asking for, but any advice would help. His name was Stanley, and he was born 11-16-1941.

D.L

Dear D.L

I’m so sorry for your loss, and I know that you feel terrible about being dishonest with Stanley.  Relationships are challenging to maneuver, and one of the most difficult lessons is control. By trying to control the outcome of this situation, you didn’t trust your husband to love you for yourself alone. You never gave him the chance to make that choice, and I’m glad you see that your manipulation had consequences.  It’s time to let go of the guilt and forgive yourself for a mistake made so long ago.

The saddest thing here is that you will never know for certain what his decision would have been. You’ve missed out on the opportunity to be his “chosen one,” and for that, I feel for you.

On a positive note, I pick up on your husband’s energy quite clearly. He loved you and cherished the life that you made, and I have no doubt that he is watching over you all. While I sense that his friends may not have been in your corner, there was never anyone for him but YOU. Release the past and move forward knowing that you have been loved deeply and truly. Again, I’m so sorry for your loss.

Diane
______________________

Dear Diane,

I keep wondering if I will ever find someone to love me. I look in the mirror and I hate myself. I see someone old, fat and homely, and every day it seems like it gets worse. I’m just another fat, middle aged mom, so who would want me. I see other women who aren’t that perfect, and they have someone. What do I need to do to find someone who will love me? I feel so sad.

Lost Horizon

Dear Lost,

The most important love affair for you to state right now is with yourself.  It is obvious from your words that you have lost touch with any sense of joy in your life, and that you no longer see yourself clearly.

Beauty is something that everyone enjoys being around, yet everyone has a type of beauty all their own.  Some people are charming, others are stylish. Intelligence and wit works for some, while others have social success with humor.  I see that you possess all of these gifts, but until you recognize your own value, you might need a little help from friends.

Let your loved ones know that you’ve lost touch with yourself. Ask them to remind you of the things that are wonderful about you. If you have a friend whose “look” you admire, ask them for advice about finding an updated style for yourself. Remember, so much of beauty is subjective, and if you realize your own value, someone else will to. Good luck!

Diane

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