Dear Diane — January 1, 2011

Dear Diane,

When I was in the third grade, my mother was seeing someone and I did not like him. I thought he was selfish and stupid so I told my mother some fibs to get her to stop seeing him, and she never went out with him after that. I’m now a successful business woman, but my love life is not even on the radar. I feel guilty about ruining my mom’s chance for happiness. Is this why I always end up alone? Is this the way karma happens?

Ashamed

Dear Ashamed,

Karma is not a law of punishment, simply a concept illustrating that we eventually will experience all sides of every issue. As a child you may not have understood your mother’s feelings of loneliness, and yet from this adult perspective, you identify strongly with how alone she must have felt. It is clear that she loved you very much, but I feel her relationship with this man was already “on the rocks” before you planted seeds of doubt.

The person suffering from all of this is you, and you must forgive yourself for having behaved like a child when you were a child. You felt then that love was in limited supply, and your thinking has not changed. You might wish to consult someone trustworthy to discuss this, as I see a lot of healing available to you. The world will not change, but your perceptions will, and as you heal I see love overflowing in your life. Blessings!

Diane

__________________________

Dear Diane,

How can I communicate with my grandfather? He is on a ventilator, and the hospital says he can’t hear me, but I see in his eyes that someone is “in there.” How do I know if he knows that I’m there? How do I know if he understands what I’m saying? Will he ever be better?

Nayla

Dear Nayla,

We as spiritual beings sense things on many different levels. Have you ever been in that blissful state of sleep when you smell breakfast cooking, but you are not quite awake? You are sensing things on a less verbal level, but the feeling of serenity has been communicated to you. Sometimes being in that twilight state can be quite wonderful, and I feel that as you stand next to your grandfather sending loving thoughts, he hears it! As you stroke his hand, he feels it. Love is an expression understood on so many levels, and on most of those levels, your grandfather is fine.

Sometimes we feel so helpless that we can’t change the circumstances of someone we love, and must watch them exist in a state very different from our own. Eventually, we will all move on, and the temporary shell called a body will be no more. Your grandfather feels your love, and that will be with both of you forever.

Diane

__________________________

Dear Diane, 

I’m really torn in two directions. I want to be married, and my boyfriend is a nice man. He has a lot of very good qualities, and I trust him. The problem is that my previous boyfriend keeps calling me and I was really in love with him. I don’t want to give up a chance to get married, but I loved my ex and am hoping he has changed. He was very bad to me before, and my friends think I’m crazy, but I love him. What should I do?

F.L.

Dear F.L.

Many young women test their wings by trying to turn a cad into a nice guy. They hope their special brand of love will be the magic potion that heals his abusive soul and helps him to love himself. More often than not, the experiment fails.

It sounds like your current beau is a good man, but you may not be ready for happily ever after quite yet. He deserves someone focused on him, and not on a man from the past. He deserves to be more than a consolation prize.

While marriage is something you want for your future, try not to focus on it now. Instead, keep open to dating different people, and pay attention to your own motivations and reactions. When you understand yourself well, you will make the best choices. I see a long happy marriage in your future, but not for about four years. Good luck!

Diane

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