Dear Diane — January 15, 2011

Dear Diane,

When I was a teenager, I went through a prolonged illness that left me sterile. I want so much to have a child of my own someday, but I know it won’t happen. I feel like a fake woman. When I meet someone new, the first thought I have is about whether it would ever work out if he knew I couldn’t have children. I find myself shutting down, and I’m worried I won’t find someone who will love me as I am. I’m so lost. I was born 8-21-76.

J.S.

Dear J.S,

I feel so much of your distress, and I see that you are very depressed. You have a tendency to keep to yourself, so meeting anyone becomes a monumental task. The first advice I have for you is to reach out to the friends that you have now. Be honest about your sadness, and allow them to be there for you.

Secondly, I’d examine the limitations that you put on a relationship. You have much more to offer than you recognize, and in not honoring yourself, you pay disservice to those who love you. Having children can be part of a loving relationship, but so can compassion, love, strength, honor, stability, ethics and honesty. I sense many other fine qualities in you, including a great sense of humor. If you’ve no idea what makes you special, ask your friends to tell you what they see. You will be surprised at how much you mean to them.

J.S, there are many ways to be a mother, and many children in this world who would be grateful for such an amazing parent. Spirit will bring you the child that is meant for you, one way or another. I encourage you now to talk to a professional who can help you to navigate the depression. I see many wonderful changes on the horizon for you!

Diane

__________________________

 

Dear Diane,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years, and we have a son and a daughter. He says he feels trapped in a world he can’t escape from, and he wishes he was by himself. I left once, but he came after us and asked me to take him back. He works construction, so work has been slow. How can I get him to see that we are meant to be a family? I have a daughter from a previous relationship, and he is really good to her. I want this to last forever.

Lisa

Dear Lisa,

The economy is very hard right now, and a lot of people would love to escape. I feel that your boyfriend really loves you, but misses the days when he had the ability to “start fresh.” The pressure he feels is considerable, never knowing from month to month if he’s “man enough” to cover the bills for his family.

Having a family when you are young has its perks, but it can also put everyone’s dreams on hold. Part of being a young adult is dreaming and planning for the future. Your partner has given up dreaming, so certainly things appear bleak.

Talk to him about the dreams he would like to fulfill, and think about the goals that are special to you. Part of what family is for is to support each other and help each other to grow. If education or training is necessary, build a plan together to make this happen. Even if your current situation is difficult, there are ways to work together to achieve these goals. The important thing is to HAVE goals, and keep reaching for them. Good luck!

Diane

__________________________

 

Dear Diane, 

I have a suspicion that my husband is having a relationship. We have been married a year. He took a new job recently, and now he stays out almost every night until well after dinner. He acts tired when he comes in, like all he wants to do is fall asleep. When I try to talk to him about why he’s away so much, he tells me he’s working. I work too, but I don’t keep those kinds of hours. How can I find out the truth?

Suspicious

Dear Suspicious,

I have some good news for you. Your husband is telling you the truth. It feels as though a heavy workload started about two months ago, and will continue into the spring. This is a time to be supportive of his long hours, as it will lead to a better position within the year.

That being said, it’s important to nurture your relationship too, as your lack of trust suggests a communication issue. I see that he doesn’t talk a lot, so spending time in each other’s energy is important. Perhaps you can plan a leisurely Sunday brunch, or a cuddle date on the weekend. If he objects, keep trying. Building positive habits together now will keep bigger issues from surfacing later. Have fun!

Diane

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