Dear Dianne

My husband of many years passed away recently, and we had a very difficult last few years. He had cancer and dementia, so I felt more like he was a sick child that I could not help at all. We had some really good times together, but I sometimes have trouble remembering who he used to be. I’m missing him so much, but part of me wants to move forward and start living again. I’m going to my high school reunion soon. Is it horrible that I would like to run into my first love ? I’m really confused by this, and I don’t want my husband to feel that I don’t miss him every day. -Loretta ​

Loretta,

Please know that you have honored your husband by staying close and never leaving his side. Love is most active during difficult times, and please realize that you made his final years the best that they could be. Trauma is something that can stay with us for many years, and you have been through so much, so be kind to yourself and move at whatever pace is comfortable for you. The man who was a romantic partner to you has been gone for quite a while. You spent the end of your marriage as more of a caretaker than a joy partner, and this is a tribute to the love that you felt for one another. Love has different forms, and the beauty of this experience is that you were able to love him in so many ways. I’m glad that your high school reunion gives you something to look forward to. Go without expectations, and have fun. When you are truly ready, love will find you! I’m so sorry for your loss! Peace!—Diane